went for DI's event the next stop today. it was really awesome. popeyes', feremented beancurd, and all the team tasks. hehehe. to sum it up, it was lots and lots and lots of fun.

bah. but my mood is spoilt.

i gave up so much fun. but i looked forward to the day so much, and this kept me from feeling sad about giving up something else that would also be great.

i would smile like an idiot everytime i thought what fun would be waiting for me when the day finally comes... i would start thinking about the possible crazy things i'd do. i would start just making up my own stories that would take place and feel really contented with my craziness. i would just keep counting down the days. that kept me away from sadness and guilt of giving up the other.

but then now there's nothing. and it wasn't even my fault in the first place. at first i looked forward to the small ray of hope that there was still a few more days for things to change. but then all hope is gone now. the only thing left, are the tears that are forming in my eyes, that i'd hold back until i go to bed. and cover my head and start letting it all drop.

when someone eles is caught in a situation like this, i'd cheer them up. so now what, i cheer myself up? no use. i'm just gonna cry myself to sleep.

tch. i really dislike this.