Emo-day.
Thursday, May 13, 2010 @ 8:21 PM
haiz. was emo-ing alot today... in fact, i've been getting more and more emo nowadays... i wonder how i really see things now... yesterday, i was just asking myself, is it that i'm really optimistic, or is it that i feel nothing towards it at all? and i guess i sort of found my answer already... i just wished i could run from everything. i wished i could just die that instant, and return home to God in heaven...
but life goes on... i shall try and return to the optimistic me i was, before it all started. before i found out how cruel things were. before i could feel all this pain in me. before tears started flowing down. and i wish i found God's love when i was much, much younger. then maybe i wouldn't have felt like crying during class today, cuz His love for me would have covered all the pain up already. and it could save me from all those heartbreaks since primary school. then maybe i would have been able to love God so much more than now... but i know this takes time. i trust that God has the patience to wait for me to someday spread my wings as an eaglet, and love Him really, really dearly and never run dry.
for a start, did our acc play today... it was pretty fun... but cruel at the same time... then... ahh. the day went on like it should. art was nice... but it was the last lesson... doing music next semester... but i love music too.
went for auditions after sch... it was supposed to be at 2pm, so i skipped lunch for it... but the teachers were very late... so, in the end, just ate one doughnut before going for japanese class... best part is i skipped breakfast and recess too. grah. while waiting, saw adalric and his friends, and i was like thinking, was he taking part?!?! but after meeting him outside lt2 and chatting abit, found out he wasn't... but then he found out i auditioned... so it was kinda awkward... as for my audition, tgtr with sheryl... it was pretty ok, and it went well until the last part... ahh. i screwed up. i feel like such a total failure. can't study, can't do sports, can't perform anything, can't be a friend that's welcomed, can't be a good partner, can't be someone significant in the life of others, can't tell if someone's truthful or not, can't do anything good at all. the only thing i can do now, is to seek my heavenly Father, and love Him more than anything else. that's the one and only thing i can do. but i think it's good enough for me.
i feel so cheated and like such a failure.