hmm. not in a very good mood today. not that i'm in a bad mood though. more like in emo mood. many reasons contributing to it. when 1 thing happened after the other, i felt so damn dejected. sadness piling up. it's like some kind of undescribable feeling i have stuck in my chest. i feel like i've been hurled into a water tank in some dark, dark basement no one knew of. and i'm floating in the tank, immobile and unconscious. and i can't escape at all. sigh. i might not show these feelings, but they so exist. so if you think lying to me or bullying me is fun, and will be fine, you're wrong. the 1st reason was the sec sch posting results. none of my very very closest buddies went to the same sch as me. it's not their fault. 2 of them are going to the same sch, and 1 is going to appeal into that sch the other 2 are in. nth wrong with that. but the thing is, before the option excercising, i asked them to consider the sch i was posted to via dsa... and the 1st thing they asked was te location. nth wrong. but when they knew where it was, their reactions were abt the same, "aiyo! so far! cannot, cannot." does distance really matter so much? i'm taking it too, and guess what? 3 of us 4 live quite close. sigh. the sch that they chose were kinda far too. but this isn't too bad. we can meet up. call each other. sms. the best way to cheer myself up would be to sing 小心愿 and remind myself abt what we still can do with the lyrics. the 2nd reason was... i dun wanna talk abt it the most. it happened after the posting results were out. let's just say that i found out how gullible i really was. i actually believed a lie for 3 whole years, without doubting it. and all this time i've wasted just ends with my heart shattering into smithereens, and tears streaming down my cheeks. there isn't a way to fix this. never. nick and squalo, rmb my facebook status abt my feeling? my feeling that things were going to fall apart, and there was nth i could do to save it. i guess it was a foresight for today's outcome. what can i do now? it's gone forever. i'm only able to sing 泪了 in a quiet tone. 3rd reason... happened a few days ago... i thought it was sth i did that made him angry, but then after seeing his name, i dunno anymore. it was that anonymous tagger from saturday. he used his real name today: stephy. so, here's a message to him. not sure if he'll read it, though. but blockquotes are pretty noticable.

To 'Stephy':

Why are you just scolding me at my cbox for no reason? Have we ever met? I have never, ever known anyone by the name of 'Stephy'. Never! I only remember that my sister's old classmate was Stephanie, but I've never met her. So, did we just meet on the streets? Or did you get the wrong person? Or are you just using me as a punching bag to let off steam? Please. Stop. I have not offended you. If I did, just tell me. Don't just start screaming away bad stuff at me.

i can't think of a song here. oh well. i'm out of mood anyway. the 2nd one bugs me the most. really. i can't believe what a fool i was. to think i sacrificed for that. i think it might just result in me turning anti-social and causing me to lock my heart up forever.